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2/13/2005 - Memories of a Recent Communist Past: Part I by Cristina Merrill

CM ROMANIA Cristina Merrill John O Crane Memorial Fellow Institute studying Ceausescu communist Romania Memories Recent Communist Past Part I By Cristina Merrill FEBRUARY BUCHAREST Romania Winter entrance causing fatalists despair The mythical still plays justifying events beyond Romanians control This could Gods angry deity capitalism heated Romania ozone point priving students extended Christmas vacation Starting school result delays awaited ritual among children The season affected adults especially women eager display their fancy hirsute weather whatever bourgeois dignity Communist worker washed folks PETA would Babushkas defied degree temperatures lined boots coats while younger women opted modern animal Ou neiges antan friend moaned Everyone prayers answered Snow finally Siberian vengeance Thick crisp large laced flakes draped whole weekend The white first Bucharest looked inviting peaceful blissfully eternal Even House Parliament monument greed taste built former dictator Nicolae Ceausescu himself looked viting But reverie ended piled driving walking shopping Large streets cleared eventually Bucharest streets Godot never Whether Romanians became overly Latin their laissez faire overly democratic during Ceausescu brigades shovelers broom pushers would force patriotic little clear sidewalks which turned temperatures degrees Celsius For second I considered using heels crampons I asked Bogdan Parliament guard nobody cared clear street surrounding building Romanians proudly claim second largest world after Pentagon This running route clear pressing topic He shrugged shoulders gypsy cleaners showed I wondered those children India vilified Eastern Europe adored West responsible neglect Bucharest Even National Theatre cultural pride residents naturel The night I I elegant woman pavement right front entrance In America democratic revenge would meant lawsuit against theater And I willing civic action reflex Romanians For decades forced uthoritarian regime sacrifice public never theirs In transition phase since Communist regime slowly learned about things society press Now greed phase Don expect civic spirit friend early John Vranceanu He people still themselves offering another pearl Romanian wisdom idiom translates whoever chance bones should Cine poate roade Once becomes easier bones available assumption Romanians generously It happening already extent I pleased celebrity TV telethon first nized month raise money tsunami victims Even pensioners chipped My landlady husband decided their natural family adopting Asia necessarily because natural disaster event encouraging devel opment overcoming stereotypes racial prejudice doing Having lived months I Romanians highly religious spiritual people naturally They milosi pronounced Mee loash Slavic roots meaning merciful willing please Christian taking someone difficulty For instance after I dropped mistake heavy glass container roasted peppers woman container break Another I bouquet flowers hotel until after meeting I returned voluntarily flowers water whole prevent wilting There check corner always smile whose mothers waiting strangers stopped alert another lipstick smudging flimsy shopping about break cleaning dragging There heart warming I could above forget I Internet cooking taken marathon tours Bucharest drivers squeezing money So where America always first tough surface today Romania appreciate genuine humanity prevail I hopelessly imper sometimes perfectly maddening country As friend Cora Motoc quoted saying I afflicted Romania Communism legacies Fear secrecy suspicion I I stating obvious I decades dictatorship scars nation especially psychological Communism enforced obedience homogeneity false nationalism alteri nation individual collective identity It rewrote heavy serving propa ganda punished attempts discern truth surreal And ended years Ceausescu haunts country Last report showed mentioned radio television broadcasts He ranked third times Parliamentary leaders referred Janu birthday dreaded parades homages endless articles written honor There still those convene Bucharest cemetery bemoan death would turned One hundred nostalgics turned mourn Those criminals killed woman cried desperately You God whole Romania Others celebrate disappearance A called Dead Ceausescus plays endless parties The satire weekly Academia C atavencu published special section under headline For Your Birthday Daddy Creator status Ceausescu attained The newspaper never misses chance refer Shot One In typical Catavencu hilarious fashion section pokes propaganda language before kinds celebrations people forced attend television program honor birthday For ample evening schedule Thursday January began documentary color called The great country homage gratitude people A musical Hymn leader country began An later special production started With people people Even after period Romanians CM dipping their Communist reference points whether nostalgia spent lifetime under Communism others sweetest years child because I spoke friend recently about meaning anges mandarins people generation These fruits available throughout except winter holidays getting struggle members family Mothers fathers grandmothers godparents charged lines procure meant scoring small victory besting tyrannical system Adults typically without I still sociate fruits Christmas Of course friend always Ceausista meaning I marked I Ceausista written month I visit exhibit called The dictatorship History Museum A friendly guard nearby heard sight Ceausescu framed portrait omnipresent before Decem share experiences light freedom This I people nostalgic about Ceausescu I screamed other started again better things We nothing By couldn sugar flour bread The exhibit I thought small reflect suffering forced social engineering Communists enforced between Romanians still learning about museography terms displaying their recent painful On showed pictures documents jects illustrating turbulent period On other pictures December personal objects belonging those revolution Noteworthy files secret service documenting recruiting young student informer under codename Tantu The young developed physically tally He liked group among colleagues Other interesting documents showed secret correspondence intelligence officers about famous dissident Doina Cor overheard inappropriate comments taking enemy attitude position about intercepted conversations Offic proposed start legal action purpose arrest committing offence propaganda against socialist order Also displayed intelligence photos British journalist probably suspected having connections dissidents merous letters Free Europe Communist leader Radu Filipescu deploring abuses Ceausescu regime urging West number jailed journalists I shuddered sight VCR machines displayed which intercept telephone conversations Exhibit organizers chose reminders Communist outlawing I limits monthly gasoline rations three liters water electric hours daily In failing conversation foreigner deemed legal offence Organizers summed Ceausescu taping sheets paper glorifying leader sheet rying single Cold Hunger Terror Rationing Dictatorship Secret Police Lines Marches Arrests Dark Censor No wonder embittered father return country years Memo overcome Indoctrination Reconstructing history recent aftermath becomes complex Begun right after revolution process taken twists turns evolving smoothly Financial hardships caused transition dampened euphoria Also years former Communists Save NATO European Un carrots leaders verting regime forceful tactics nation happen should Indoctrination cannot washed easily It comes reflex Of course everyone believed Communist propaganda against rialists fascists Western world Still eigners expatriates elicit strange curiosity Romanians They different Com munism preached sameness Also tyranny secrecy isolation which regime operated ignorance suspicion those stood What spies Older people still share My English friend Judy noticed going through family trash looking clues Although I still I expect cially ICWA fellow people askance My mother friend thought Mata Hari Beware suspicious I swing disco exotic dance You thought I I asked Elena My I thought I think laughed adding partner often joked talked about As those close first I spied meltdown after holidays whose newsstand I often visit papers mention I being followed Haven looked would raspy voice Anyway personal guard This after disturbing incidents including receiving voice messages phone recorded compromising conversations I friends Was imagined I never suspicion itself maddening enough It after December elections press talked about reform Romania relatively large disorganized internal network Maybe justify intellige agency announced people tapping phones Romanian journalists suspected having connections foreign intelligence services Can anyone blame being paranoid Ac tually reaction angry stupidity announcement ignorance anyone believed What secrets would there reveal haven already probably journal people power Three weeks later names spies released The education little rebel Vivi Anghel One damaging legacies regime authoritarian societies vidualistic speak critically inquire stand think differently share information freely Romanians afraid openly about history still During Communism people lived tortured double public doing regime private where censored though often people refrained saying there neighbor friend might informer It every three Romanians informer It assumed everyone phone bugged Sometimes parents spied their children intentions A friend mother confessed recently friend worked phone company listen teenage daughter versations wrong young The secrecy passed children often quiet matters politics anything Some families simply discuss politics CM pursued activities illegal nature listen Voice America Radio Free Europe My friend Liviu Iancu journalist Communism village outside Bucharest superintendent Even though parents never criticized Ceausescu regime Liviu belled against young One trouble refusing necktie young neers required their uniform Worse stepped front school inspector The Securitate Romania secret police warned father straighten nonconformist After similar incidents father arrested escaped severe punishment cause known powerful Communist general since childhood Liviu eventually kicked school grade November telling jokes about Com munism Had revolution ended regime month later Liviu would trade school labor Black Sea Canal dubbed Channel Death This grand project Communists Danube where political dissidents eventually people apparently perished there Liviu influence Romanian guage tutor writer taught about reality outside propaganda The following Liviu about beloved teacher I difficult rebellious child I already parents awkward situations after tried introducing Romanian language teachers I would I I interest taking preparatory lessons entrance school The solution thought Vivi Anghel young professor Romanian guage considered daring critic Communist regime My parents afraid influence afraid I sufficiently prepared Romanian language admission without toring This I We shook hands I intro duced myself talking apartment where lived along thousand books We table child I I Romanian language manual seventh graders Open first Vivi I where Ceausescu portrait manuals smiling younger Ceausescu years Who asked Vivi What I asked puzzled It Comrade Nicolae Ceausescu president Socialist Re public Romania Secretary General Romanian Communist Party I answered triumphantly happy memory helping remember titles I thought protector Romanians Vivi smiled cigarette began telling Com munism really meant Romania between He about famous writers Cioran Eliade He about people other countries worry about enough could speak freely I thought example people America constantly another streets chological problems American women drunks Sue Ellen Dallas After stories Vivi began drawing horns Comrade Ceausescu picture fangs Alone small apart provincial I realized first Ceausescu human being Following meeting Vivi I thought convince school mates Ceausescu monster Months I during breaks I learned Vivi about America France about Latin Quar other places Vivi Anghel years throat cancer Liviu still mourns sensitive mercantilism breathed necks I anyone close Don Quixote anyone gullible eternally deceived hopeful He I after drinks unlucky cross between Madame Bovary Don Quixote That Romanians anyway these characteris pronounced Remembering Memoria The confused bizarre environment which Liviu I Vivi Anghel imprints visible others A child growing thoritarian regime forever marked realizes early disharmony between private Alienation worse later adult unable communicate freely order learn about universe develop inner compass And cases Liviu I lucky beaten imprisoned tortured people truly suffered In addition memories under former regime carry subconscious having avenge those unjustly punished Call collective guilt collective hopelessness It place assess parallels between Holocaust Communism sufficiently jects their But having claimed about million victims million China alone without counting trauma experienced friends relatives Communism easily classify worst disasters world Unlike Nazis Communists detailed records victims their plans which makes remembrance healing difficult Manipulation information secrecy their weapons How begin collect information order address Eager uncover their recent history Romanians researched published accounts after revolution detailing wrongs committed Communists The euphoria subsided transi became financial struggle One first INSTITUTE OF CURRENT WORLD AFFAIRS forts begun years Memoria Memory magazine arrested thinking Banu Radulescu deceased editor doctor respec fiction writer former political prisoner wrote passionate first edito which reasons launching publication Killing people arrests deportations dislocations marginalizations censorships villages monuments forbidding books trips abroad cultural contacts silence criti Communists works complete silence falsification biographies other works brief assassination people memory The publication Mr Radulescu people physical function memory To allow breathe natural strength natural climate unadulterated The magazine which still comes times fallen transition times Because dwindling scriptions subsidies Memoria decreased copies first today Mr Radulescu constant loving dying Since Micaela Ghitescu former political prisoner served editor chief I found Ms Ghitescu magazine office second floor attractive building belonging Romanian Writers Union The front majestic former estate rented casino juxtaposition plenty about society values transition Memoria office second floor however throwback I imagine office looked Paris large wooden desks quirky fixtures books everywhere As black white photo could Robert Doisneau ditions D sastre image Inside I Ms Ghitescu other editors assistant Ms Ghitescu spoken polite woman early beckoned Before I through several issues discovered existence magazine vital The articles written contributors cover history known before I personal accounts imprison torture various suppressed rebellions biographies those tried fight totalitarian system remembrance publication stories about various detention centers across Romania The published prisons extermination centers geography detention frightening itself This history I never learned child Romania None either Ms Ghitescu quietly I planned speak about history magazine topics after hearing Ms Ghitescu story unlikely political prisoner I realized stands alone Memoria seeks illustrate about Communism scream Edvard Munch famous painting ening silence unforgettable I justice below story And I heard I I helping others I still haunted voice kindness affability timidity woman incapable anger resentment cruel treatment I notice measured conscious cadence speech still watched If there thing banality Ms Ghitescu could martyrdom simplest Interview former political prisoner arrest Ms Ghitescu third philology student arrested As daughter considered member bourgeoisie accordingly discriminated against In period people means their ID cards buletine identitate stamped class status rankings My mother Being marked affected prospects schooling basically proletarians members Communist party first In position Ms Ghitescu friend similar class requi highest annual school taxes while Communism proclaimed cation Her fault having corresponded teenager director French language school where taken lessons Once Soviet occupation Roma brought Communism French school bourgeois institutions closed director Marcel Fontaine deported He founded radio station Paris covering Communist occupation Eastern Europe served chief Romanian guage section Because Communist editorials Mr Fontaine enemies Romania leaders Ms Ghitescu admitted university continued corresponding Mr Fontaine increasingly difficult given Communists paranoia exchanges Western world Anyone sending letters abroad bring ID office leaving official record correspondence could sender ulnerable later She found letters through French embassy But spying letters wrote I recall corresponded during holidays described windows shops lively compared those Romania She arrested October rounding those associations foreign embassies believed spied Twelve people French school arrested mostly teachers students Included group French connected arrestees woman received knitting daughter France Another worked Romanian National Bank attempted speak French ambassador West about financial abuses commit Soviets The woman sentenced years prison The accusation against Ms Ghitescu crime treason based monitored correspondence enemy eople Mr Fontaine which prison years She doesn which letter trouble wrote about school officials backwards marks daughter Com munist ruler Gheorghe Gheorghiu Dej could diploma though never attended Interrogators asking whether I vided information regarding baccalaureate exams The inquisition After arrest Ms Ghitescu spent months awaiting trial prison belonging Romanian secret police located current House Parliament For three years I contact family They weren trial November I given public defense attorney interest looked dossier before entering courtroom He apologize whatever I whenever My father doctor considered employed essional exploiter Communist terminology In pleading lawyer emphasizing shrill voice daughter doctor which judges instead defending I surprised Ms Ghitescu detention center points She sidered having herself during before trial Bucharest studio comfort though chological torture Her interrogation place lasted months during which never expect Wake calls clock lights turned During allowed You forbidden support yourself elbow anything forget about lying You allowed around They would bring investi gation minutes before began Interrogation thing thing thing I never beaten Each guard responsible cells always looked inside They slippers couldn their steps And I couldn without eyeglasses They glasses I couldn happening I never exactly I being watched There whole months inquiry I happening In months better I I could during I meaning I would taken another without And better three times In morning coffee bread marmalade For lunch thing grains cabbage Twice three times taken errands meaning toilet hurried everything quickly quickly quickly Three Jails She infamous prison called Jilava south Bucharest Almost political detainees passed through subterranean prison which served secret place transit forced labor executions Memoria unsuccessfully tried national monument remembrance She spent seven months other women Men forced Ms Ghitescu Jilava hardest living ditions toilet women The winter spent there especially humid because thick layer ground above But company previous Bucharest She first Spanish lessons another prisoner Ms Ghitescu known trans lator Spanish Portuguese literature My childhood friend Mariana Ionescu Jilava She prison She She devel advanced tuberculosis secret prison Bucharest I remembered hearing someone cough night I couldn coughing It cough obsessed fright ening She worse Jilava We asking jailers INSTITUTE OF CURRENT WORLD AFFAIRS Vacaresti hospital Finally assistant going hospital Mariana below I third This taking bathe which happened every weeks I think I wanted something I climbed I spine I couldn goodbye She month later Afterwards I heard someone Mariana hoping would released mother They never Ms Ghitescu Mislea women Bucharest Here enjoyed harder Inmates worked three workshops In another sewed shirts another women prepared making It winter again Women warmed their hands combs heated workshop stove Food better They alive could She group other women isolated month secret building nearby after being accused inciting strike begin their shift minutes cigarettes One memory seeing climbing night In light always couldn anything Well little I They bother She punished another prison taken Gherla north Romania She remember reason At night sleep carpet Walls There every I would given bread water There woman guard brought One taken infirmary After giving vitamin injections assis Ms Ghitescu indirect friend family vitamins Later Ms Ghitescu learned doctor friend father contact assistant medicine chocolate which never received She probably afraid chocolate Ms Ghitescu excuse assistant Release Reintegration She released October result provision Geneva Convention amnesty pardons those sentenced years She learn father brother Even though meager pension could daughter Ms Ghitescu mother advised finish fourth university studies She unemployed years Then found after apparently because someone prison member Communist Party turned She looking almost hired again until dossier produced She finally obtained working institute pharmaceutical research skilled worker technical translator One another scare She called division oversaw office I tions The woman I wearing black mourning clothes She death family She human because I tioned interview I arrested given amnesty Any release I document agreeing speak about The woman dossier piece paper which someone somewhere ciled without signing Watch political prisoner This lowest informing She couldn remove paper since numbered decided overlook I stayed institute years For Ms Ghitescu Communism lifetime Institute Fellows chosen basis character previous experience promise They young professionals funded spend minimum years carrying designed programs study writing outside United States The Fellows required report their findings experiences field month They write subject formally informally The result unique reporting analysis periodic assessment interna tional events issues Author Merrill Cristina Title ICWA Letters Europe Russia ISSN Imprint Institute Current World Affairs Hanover NH Material Type Serial Language English Frequency Monthly Other Regions South Asia East Asia The Americas Mideast North Africa Sub Saharan Africa ICWA Letters ISSN published Institute Current World Affairs Inc exempt operating foundation incorporated New York State offices located West Wheelock Street Hanover NH 03755 The letters provided charge members ICWA available libraries profes sional researchers subscription Phone Fax E Mail valley Web address Executive Director Peter Bird Martin Program Administrator Brent Jacobson Publications Design Management Ellen Kozak Institute Current World Af fairs The Crane Rogers Foundation The information contained lication reproduced writer permission